61 - Bathroom Japanese
At the time of writing, Rei and I are staying in a monthly apartment in southern Tokyo, down toward Kawasaki.
It's way too expensive (because of our monthly contract).
And if you're used to giant, Western living spaces, you might suffocate in here.
But it's also pretty nice.
Specifically, the bathroom is fantastic.
Japan: the Good, the Bad, & the Ugly
Sometimes, living in Japan will make you want to cry.
Like if you suddenly start craving some flavorful, dark, bread.
Whole wheat? Multi-grain? Forget it, yo.
You're having white bread full of air.
But, you know, life is about compromises.
And while the bread sucks, the bathrooms are pretty sweet.
Here's ours:
And the shower:
Rei has brainwashed me into believing that having a toilet in the same room as your shower or bathtub is unsanitary.
I used to disagree.
Then she said, Would you have a toilet in your kitchen? No, that's gross. So why would you have one next to where you clean yourself?
I lost that argument.
I also lost an argument about toilets in Japan once.
A friend of mine said, I can't live anywhere without a washlet-toilet.
One of these heated toilet seats that spray water:
The word "Washlet" is a registered trademark of Toto, apparently, which I learned from this Wikipedia article on washlets. And here's the Japanese Wikipedia article about them.
Specifically, in Japanese, I think he said something like:
ウォシュレットがないと無理！
uoshuretto ga nai to muri!
I can't live without a washlet!
(Literally: "washlet + が + is not + と + impossible!")
(Note: I don't know how to write ウォ in romaji. I used uo, but this is actually the same character combo used in the "wa" of my last name, "Walker:" ウォーカー. Go figure.)
This was back when I was an American barbarian, so I was like, You use that thing?!
Yeah, he said. Just using toilet paper is unsanitary--it's like you're smearing feces on your body. With a washlet, you're just washing it off with a stream of water.
Lost that argument, too.
And, in time, I learned to hate all bathrooms outside of Japan.
This country has cursed me.
Navigating Japanese Toilets
So yeah, if you come to Japan, you may sit down on a toilet and be faced with an intimidating array of buttons:
Here's what all of those words mean:
1
前
mae
Front
(Note: For moving the nozzle forward.)
2
ノズル位置
nozuru ichi
Nozzle placement
(Note: The nozzle is the thing spraying water on your delicates.)
3
後
ushiro
Back
(Note: For moving the nozzle further back.)
4
弱
jaku
Weak
(Note: I thought this would be yowai, for 弱い, "weak." But Rei said onyomi,jaku, is better. Press this to lower the spray's water pressure.)
5
水勢
suisei
Water pressure
(Note: When you talk about a house having good/bad water pressure, you say 水圧 [suiatsu], so I don't know why they use this word 水勢 instead. I did not know this word.)
6
強
kyou
Strong
(Note: Again, using onyomi, most likely, instead of tsuyoi for 強い.)
7
温水
onsui
Warm water
(Note: Press this to change the temperature of the water.)
8
低
hikui
Low
9
高
takai
High
10
便座
benza
Toilet seat
(Note: No one likes cleaning the 便座... one of a household's worst chores, surely.)
11
温度
ondo
Temperature
(Note: This word is really common for all kinds of temperature.)
12
止
tomeru / tomaru
Stop
(Note: We couldn't decide which reading to use, the transitive tomeru or the intransitive tomaru. I thought tomeru, because when you press it you are 止める -ing, "stopping" it. Rei countered that by pointing out that when you press it, it will 止まる, "stop.")
13
おしり／ムーブ
oshiri / muubu
Butt / move
(Note: So press this to spray your butt. Press it twice[?] to make the nozzle move.)
14
ビデ／ムーブ
bide / muubu
Bidet / move
(Note: Same as #13, but for ladies only.)
Navigating Japanese Shower Fans
Similarly, if you have a high-tech Japanese shower like ours, you may have a wide array of features for your bathroom fan:
Here are labels for all of those:
1
暖房
danbou
Heater
(Note: Press this if showering in a cold room makes you want to cry.)
2
乾燥
kansou
Dryer
(Note: Press this to dry out the shower room after you're finished--yay, sanitation! This can also be used to quickly hang-dry your clothes [since most Japanese homes don't have clothes dryers].)
3
風量
fuuryou
Fan strength
(Literally: "wind-amount.")
4
弱／強
jaku / kyou
Weak / strong
(Note: Same as mentioned earlier--onyomi.)
5
タイマー設定
taimaa settei
Timer setting
(Note: With this, you can adjust how many hours the chosen fan function will go for. For example, you might want 4-6 hours for drying clothes, but only 2-3 hours for drying the room after a shower.)
6
タイマー残時間
taimaa nokori jikan
Remaining time
(Note: I had guessed that this would be zanjikan, because the onyomi of 残 iszan, like in 残業 [zangyou; overtime (work)] or 残高 [zandaka; (remaining) balance (e.g. in your bank account)], but Rei said it's just an abbreviation of 残り [nokori; remaining] here.)
7
停止
teishi
Stop
(Note: This is quite a common/useful word.)
8
長押し：全停止
nagaoshi: zenteishi
Long push: stop completely
9
フィルター清掃
firutaa seisou
Filter cleaning
10
リセット
risetto
Reset
11
標準
hyoujun
Standard
(Note: I'm not sure the meaning of this here... as you'll see in #12, too. The word 標準 is useful, though. 標準語 [hyoujungo], for example, is "standard dialect [of Japanese]." This is the type of Japanese you see in textbooks and generally hear around Tokyo [though some Japanese don't like equating Tokyo dialect with "standard dialect].)
12
冬季
touki
Winter (season)
(Note: Not sure what this light indicates. Higher-strength fan, because it's winter? Or less-drying, because air is dry in winter? We have no idea.)
13
２４時間換気
nijuuyo jikan kanki
24 hour ventilation
(Note: We always have this fan on, keeping the room ventilated and non-stuffy. Careful to note the reading of 24 when it comes before 時間! No n in 4!)
14
長押し：換気停止（消灯）
短押し：浴室停止（点滅）
nagaoshi: kanki teishi (shoutou)
tanoshi(?): yokushitsu teishi (tenmetsu)
Long push: ventilation fan stop (lights off)
Short push: bathroom stop (lights flashing)
(Note: Rei and I have no idea what this "bathroom stop" part is all about. If the lights are off, the ventilation fan is not running. If the lights are flashing, then just the bathroom fan is off? Also, you can adjust these with long button pushes or short button pushes.)
15
換気
kanki
Ventilation
(Note: The ventilation fan itself is called a 換気扇 [kankisen], and you'll sometimes see fan/light switches labeled that way. The other day I accidentally called it a kanpuuki [←NOT a word] instead of a kankisen... probably because I was thinking of a 扇風機 [senpuuki; "electric fan (e.g. that you plug into the wall)"]. Rei is still making fun of me for it. (T_T).)
16
涼風
ryoufuu
Cooling fan
(Literally: "cool-wind!")
Good luck, bathroom explorers.
I wish you safe travels.
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